its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
