ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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