So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
