Your mouth is God's brothel.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize