I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
