My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
