Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
