i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
