Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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