oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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