I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
