Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
