I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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