I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i think i just lost a toe
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
