benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
