All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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