you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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