What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
