i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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