happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
As shirtless as possible
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize