Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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