I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize