So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
