yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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