My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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