Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
