We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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