YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
