i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
