Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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