we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
