i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize