Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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