I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize