Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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