I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
