we're chasing vodka with high fives
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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