i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
