I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
