i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
