remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
