I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
