hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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