Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
