I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
