my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
