So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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