Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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