just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
