I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
