Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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