1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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