Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
