I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Two words: blizzard sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
