I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
