no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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