I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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