Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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