When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The ass gains better be worth it
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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