Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just had sex on a roof
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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