I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
