Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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