you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
