dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
